Low Self-Esteem

Low Self-Esteem
Bob Narindra

One of the most problematic areas of a relationship is low self-esteem and its effects can be devastating. This is a problem that affects most people at some stage in their life but if it is not dealt with, it can destroy a relationship or at least make it impossible to get involved in one. The problem with low self-esteem is that it does not just affect the person who is insecure. It also affects anyone they are in contact with, be it family, friends or co-workers. If you or someone you know suffers from low self esteem, this article looks at a few of the possible causes of the problem and gives a few helpful solutions.

Causes of Low Self-Esteem

Past Failures
The effects of failure can be very harsh to deal with, especially when accompanied by "I told you so's." Once you have tried and failed at something, your confidence takes a jolt and you are weary of trying new things in the future.

Wrong Doings
Committing harmful acts against others is a major cause of low self-esteem. How can you feel good about yourself when you continually do things to hurt other people?

Invalidation
Invalidation from other people can be devastating, especially if it comes from an authority figure or someone you look up to. Usually the person makes a few remarks or comments that hurt so much that they cause a change in how you view yourself. This can happen at any time in a person's life and in any area.

Let's say, for example, that you are feeling good about your body and enjoying life until, one day, you overhear someone say that you are gaining weight. From that moment on, you start to think twice before eating something, or drinking something. You wonder if they are right, so you go check yourself in a mirror or on a scale. You start listening to what other people are saying and wonder if they, too, are talking about you. You start trying to control what you eat and then scold yourself when you slip up. You see what has happened? You end up in a dwindling spiral of self-invalidation!

Solutions to Low Self-Esteem

If You Have Low Self-Esteem

1. The first thing to do is to handle your immediate environment.
Usually you will find that you have neglected your friends, your body and your environment. Clean up your apartment, do the laundry, dishes or anything else you have neglected. Get done anything you have been "meaning to do." This also includes making sure you get enough sleep and eat properly etc.

2. Get Re-acquainted
Catch up on some friends that you have neglected and/or re-acquaint yourself with your sweetheart. If you do have a partner, use some of the romantic ideas on this site. This step will really help you to understand that you do have people around you that care about you.

3. Get some exercise
One of the best ways to accomplish this is to make sure you take a walk every day. While walking, try to just look at the environment around you and not worry or think about things.

4. Start writing a journal
Keeping a journal can be invaluable therapy. Everyday sit down in a quiet place and just write whatever comes to mind. It is almost like downloading every thought you have into your journal. Once you have downloaded them, you will find that there is no need to continually think about them and will start to feel better. After a few days you will also start to see some patterns emerging that have affected your life so far.

After a while of doing this, you will feel a lot better about yourself and you should start to realize what caused your feelings of low self-esteem in the first place. Solutions will start to present themselves and your new outlook on life will bring with it new opportunities to further improve your environment.

If Your Partner Has Low Self-Esteem
If your partner is suffering from low self-esteem, then your job is to re-assure them. There is very little that cannot be cured by love, understanding and just being there for them. You should also be careful not to judge them or invalidate them for feeling the way they do. Bring back the romance in your relationship, show them how you feel about them and re-assure them that you love them no matter what. You should also softly encourage them to do the above steps. One of the best ways to do this is to do them for yourself and encourage your partner to help you or do them also.

Source: http://www.lovingyou.com/content/love/dating.php

Love Your Life

Love Your Life
by Jennifer Good

1. Adopt a pet together.

2. Volunteer for a cause you both believe in.

3. Learn a new hobby together.

4. Make a care basket for a friend.

5. Paint something together.

6. Visit old friends together.

7. Make something together like a dollhouse, a garden, a puzzle, a genealogy chart, etc.

8. Write a short romance story together. One person writes a page, then the other person makes changes to it, and then writes the next page and visa versa.

9. Make it a point to listen to your partner for an hour.

10. Go cloud watching together.

11. Surprise your love with a homemade gift.

12. Take a weekend retreat together.

13. Send anonymous flowers to your love.

14. Create a "couples" photo album together.

15. Cuddle on a park bench for an hour.

16. Have a picnic while watching airplanes land.

17. Participate in free local community event.

18. Create "your CD" together.

19. Reward each other with a date to "romance" the other person.

Source: http://www.lovingyou.com/content/love/dating.php

How To Be A Better Partner

How To Be A Better Partner
Bob Narindra

If you have ever been in a relationship that failed, you most likely have sat down afterwards and wondered what went wrong. Sometimes it is easy to spot how much of it was their fault but it is not too easy to look at where you, personally, went wrong. Everybody wants to be the best at what they do, and being the best you can be for your partner is no exception. Listed below are 12 simple lessons that will help you to achieve that goal. Remember, if you want to be good to someone else, you also have to be good to yourself.

1. Be romantic.
Whenever a relationship starts to fail, the lack of romance is one of the first indicators. It is very natural for people to get complacent and forget the fun things they used to do when they first got together. A relationship has to be constantly worked on and being romantic is an absolute must. If you would like some more information on how to bring the romance back in to your relationship, please take a look at some of the articles in the Romance Guide.

2. Never disparage yourself.
Whenever you are disparaging yourself, you are basically saying that you are no good for your partner. If you don't believe that you are good enough for them, then you won't be. It's as simple as that. Don't sit around and beat yourself up over past mistakes, that will only prevent you from trying and succeeding at new things tomorrow.

3. Always be honest.
There is not one single relationship that will succeed in the long run if built on a lie. Even if your partner never finds out the truth, the fact that you know you lied will affect your feelings for yourself and your partner. With that kind of a hindrance, the relationship will never reach it's full potential.

4. Do not do things just to keep your partner happy.
How many times have you done something for or to your partner that you really did not want to do, just to make them happy? How did it make you feel? Every time you compromise yourself in that way, a piece of your love for them dies. It is much better to explain to them that you don't feel good about certain things and work on an alternative together.

5. Do not ask your partner to do things you know they don't want to do.
This is the reverse of the above lesson and fairly self-explanatory. If you know they really don't like doing something, and if that something is for you and of no benefit to them, then why ask them to do it unless you are being selfish or mean?

6. Do not belittle your partner.
Everyone makes mistakes in life and everyone works or catches on at different speeds. If you spend your time nagging at your partner or putting them down about every little thing they do wrong, then how can you expect them to do anything right? Do you want a life-partner or a puppy dog?

7. Do not put off things you have promised to do.
Trust is an important part of any relationship and it needs to be developed. If you say you are going to do something and don't, then how can your partner rely on you in the future?

8. Always be there for your partner.
Nothing is more important in your life than your partner. Friends come and go, as do children, but your partner is with you for the whole journey. If they are in trouble or need you, nothing else matters, other than to be there for them.

9. Communicate.
Things change in a relationship almost on a daily basis. If you don't talk to your partner you could very easily wake up one day and find that you have drifted too far apart to bridge the gap.


10. Do not commit adultery or other harmful acts against your relationship.
This one is really self-explanatory. Nothing destroys a relationship faster than infidelity or wrong doings.


11. Treat your partner with respect.
It is extremely easy to take someone for granted and once you start to cross that line, it is very difficult to go back. Be careful not to treat your partner worse than you would treat your best friend.


12. Be open and receptive to your partner's wants and wishes.
It takes two people to have a relationship and when you shut one of them out because you are not open to their ideas and wishes then you really don't have a relationship at all. Always be open and receptive to what they say. Also, be open to new experiences and ideas, you never know what you might learn.
Source: http://www.lovingyou.com/content/love/dating.php

Is your relationship suffering from a negative influence

Is your relationship suffering from a negative influence...
by Jennifer Good

"Well-intentioned" people; nearly every couple knows at least one. In fact, we could all probably rattle off a few names in a matter of minutes. They are the ones that are constantly advising you about your partner's habits or lifestyle in the most well-meaning of tones; the ones who can't help but comment on some misfortune you've had or who mysteriously appear when they need something from you. And, they are the ones who are slowly, and not so silently, zapping the life and happiness from your relationship. The worst part is that you may not even realize it is happening!

The good news is there is a way to limit their effect on you and your relationship. It just takes a few conscious changes and an agreement as a couple to put those changes into effect.

The first step is to realize there is a problem. So, to start you'll need to understand how they are harmful to your relationship. Before taking any action, decide what it is about that person that is a negative influence. Do they make harmful comments? Do they fail to be supportive? Do they fail to contribute equally to the friendship? Do you find yourselves feeling better or worse after spending time with them? Are they draining you emotionally or financially? Really take a look at the overall effect the person is having on your life. Do they call you constantly to rattle off their problems, but never help you with yours? Have you offered countless solutions to help them out, but they never seem to take any advice? Do they continually visit without notice? If you have children, are they setting the type of example you want your children to view and uphold?

Once you've determined to what extent they are a problem, you'll need to figure out a way to dissolve the effect they are creating. The most effective way is to remove them from your relationship completely. That means no more communication, unless it is completely unavoidable. Unfortunately, you can't go around breaking off ties with every person you or your partner may find disagreeable. This is especially true if the trouble source is a family member, co-worker, long-time family friend or part of some other integral aspect of your life. In such cases, you will need to apply a more realistic approach.

First, you will need to cut off communication for as long as you possibly can. View this period of time as one of getting back to what's important…without the distractions. You need this time alone to remember what it's like without the interrupting influence and, to be honest, to unwind. You may only need a weekend or you may need a few weeks. You'll know when the time is right to make contact again. If you can't remove them, find a way to remove yourself for a short time as this alone time for you as a couple is extremely important.

Secondly, you and your partner should talk about what expectations and feelings you have about this situation. Agree to some common ground rules. These could be anything from agreeing to only seeing the person once a month, or making sure you change the subject anytime they start to talk about something mutually unpleasant.

When you are ready to initiate contact again, find ways to limit their effect on you. For example, make the time you spend together limited, such as going to a movie, dinner or other social function. Meet them at the destination, and make sure they know ahead of time you need to leave when the function is over.

Keep your contact in controlled environments such as the ones mentioned above. Don't invite them to your home unless absolutely necessary. In the event it is necessary, arrange to have another friend or family member there to avoid unwanted communication. I wouldn't recommend telling the other person why they are there. The point is to have a neutral person (or people) there to limit any outbursts or behavior you do not desire.

Come across as a unified front. Make sure the person knows that if they are harassing one of you, they are harassing the both of you. Support each other first, and do not take sides. If you really disagree about something, do it in private where you can both talk about it openly and comfortably.

Lastly, realize that the only way someone can have a real negative effect on you is if you let them. Sometimes just knowing that you don't need to take what they say or do personally is enough to make the time spent with that person more pleasant. Remember to find the strength in each other to combat outside forces. Your relationship and your family unit should always come first.

Please Note: This article does not take into consideration roommates, friends or family members living with you. These topics will be covered in a future feature.


Source: http://www.lovingyou.com/content/love/dating.php