Abusive Relationships
by Bob Narindra
You'd be surprised at how many people suffer through abusive relationships… and not just women. Both emotionally and physically abusive relationships are happening with increased frequency. Abuse can take many different forms. Of course, the most famous type of abuse is physical abuse. Mental abuse, however, can be just as harmful, if not more so. Mental abuse is becoming increasingly prevalent in society. For this reason, in this article I will concentrate on how to detect and handle mental abuse.
Mentally abusive people have one goal - to destroy your self-worth. They do this by a variety of methods including, but not limited to, verbal threats, demoralization, alienation of friends and family, and by putting down any positive impulses you have.
Some examples of mental abuse are:
* Telling you that you are worthless.
* Not allowing you to have any contact with you friends or family unless cleared by them first.
* Threatening to leave if you don't do what they say.
* Making it seem like the whole world is against you with sayings such as "Everybody knows you are a failure." or "They are all talking about how messed up you are."
* Withholding good news from you about your friends, family, neighbors and associates. However, at the same time, making up or embellishing bad news about those same people.
* Putting up roadblocks to any of your own personal goals that do not involve them.
* Telling you how lucky you are to have them because no one else would love you.
* Telling you how messed up you are and how much you need to get help while, at the same time, putting up all kinds of roadblocks on you doing anything to improve yourself.
Those are just a few examples but I am sure you can see the under-lying trend. The basic tool is control. They have to have control over everything you do, who you see and who you talk to. Through this control, they are able to keep your self-worth at a minimum so that you don't leave. They also very often play the pity card:
"I will kill myself if you leave."
"I am so sorry, I love you so much."
Realize that these types of control methods are calculated to keep you around. When they feel that they have gone too far, they will back off on putting you down just long enough to make you have doubts about whether they are that bad. Once they feel more secure, the abuse starts right back up again.
The effects of mental abuse are often more devastating than physical abuse because they are hidden and there are no outward signs, such as bruises etc. that happen with physical abuse. Very often, the abused person is unwilling to tell anyone about this, which makes it even harder to spot. However, depression, anxiety, nervousness and lack of self-confidence are common results of this type of abuse.
Sometimes, however, the partner is just being overly controlling and not actually being intentionally abusive. When you are looking at a situation, make sure you look at the broad picture and not just isolated incidents. Every single person has used one or more of the methods described above at some point in their life, particularly when under stress. It is important when looking at this to look at the real long-term motives of the person in question. Are they actually being abusive, or are they simply being over-protective? If the latter is the case, then that can be handled simply by communication. Take a look at the article on handling conflicts for some ideas on how to deal with this.
If, however, it does turn out to be real abuse, then you owe it to yourself and your children (if applicable) to get out of the relationship. Don't use the kids as an excuse to stay. They are smart and probably already know what is going on. Do you want them to grow up thinking that it is ok to be physically or mentally abused?
So, what do you do if someone you know is in an abusive relationship? Well, the ideal situation would be to get them away from their abusive partner. Get them alone and talk with them about it. Start with a soft, concerned approach and make sure they know that anything they tell you is in strict confidence. Then, work out a plan to get them out of the relationship permanently. If kids are involved, you have to be even more careful as the abusive partner will use them as leverage if they find out what you are doing.
If you are in an abusive relationship talk to someone you can trust, a close personal friend or a family member. Make sure that the person you talk to is trust-worthy and will not betray your confidence. Listed below are some resources and telephone numbers of help-lines to contact. If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, get out and get help!
Source: http://www.lovingyou.com/content/love/dating.php
Loving Yourself
Loving Yourself
You must first love yourself before you can fully love another...
Loving Yourselfby Jennifer Good
In life, we may find it easy to allow ourselves to love and accept multitudes of other people, but when it comes to loving ourselves we're not as forgiving. In fact, we can be quite relentless in our pursuit of perfection. So, how then do you learn to put aside all the shoulds and should nots we face, and really begin a love affair with yourself?
The first step is to realize that you are somebody. You're a friend, someone's daughter or son, possibly a lover, an employee or employer, or maybe even someone's spouse. No matter how your role changes, you're still somebody. Nothing will ever change that.
The next step is to take time out to actually love yourself. In romantic relationships it is often said that true love is shown through actions, not words. Learn to apply this to yourself with the following ideas, and you'll be on the road to a lifetime romance, with yourself!
Dear Me...
Write a love letter to yourself. In the letter describe what you really like about you, and what you'd like to improve about yourself. Keep it in a special place you can refer to when needed.
Scheduling Time
Make appointments with yourself to do artistic or spiritually uplifting activities. For example, you might enjoy going on a picnic at the park, taking a tour through an art museum, or taking a walk in a secluded area.
The Finer Things In Life
Enjoy the finer things in life! Eat on your "good" dishes. Enjoy a candlelit meal. Listen to a favorite CD over champagne. Wear your favorite clothes. Treat yourself to unexpected present.
Enlighten Yourself
Try learning an enlightening hobby such as yoga or meditation.
Freedom Of Yourself
Give yourself freedom to make mistakes. Instead of questioning why you are doing, or may have done, something, just accept that you did it. Know inside that you'll handle it when you're ready to, and that it is okay to do just that.
Forgiveness
Forgive yourself for something in your past. Write a letter of apology that includes everything you might have done. Seal it in an envelope, and keep it somewhere private.
Day-By-Day
Live life day-by-day. Try not to worry about what will, or will not happen in the future. Or, what may, or may not have happened in your past. All things are created in the present. Remember, your future and your past are created by what you are doing right now this very moment.
Source: http://www.lovingyou.com/content/love/dating.php
You must first love yourself before you can fully love another...
Loving Yourselfby Jennifer Good
In life, we may find it easy to allow ourselves to love and accept multitudes of other people, but when it comes to loving ourselves we're not as forgiving. In fact, we can be quite relentless in our pursuit of perfection. So, how then do you learn to put aside all the shoulds and should nots we face, and really begin a love affair with yourself?
The first step is to realize that you are somebody. You're a friend, someone's daughter or son, possibly a lover, an employee or employer, or maybe even someone's spouse. No matter how your role changes, you're still somebody. Nothing will ever change that.
The next step is to take time out to actually love yourself. In romantic relationships it is often said that true love is shown through actions, not words. Learn to apply this to yourself with the following ideas, and you'll be on the road to a lifetime romance, with yourself!
Dear Me...
Write a love letter to yourself. In the letter describe what you really like about you, and what you'd like to improve about yourself. Keep it in a special place you can refer to when needed.
Scheduling Time
Make appointments with yourself to do artistic or spiritually uplifting activities. For example, you might enjoy going on a picnic at the park, taking a tour through an art museum, or taking a walk in a secluded area.
The Finer Things In Life
Enjoy the finer things in life! Eat on your "good" dishes. Enjoy a candlelit meal. Listen to a favorite CD over champagne. Wear your favorite clothes. Treat yourself to unexpected present.
Enlighten Yourself
Try learning an enlightening hobby such as yoga or meditation.
Freedom Of Yourself
Give yourself freedom to make mistakes. Instead of questioning why you are doing, or may have done, something, just accept that you did it. Know inside that you'll handle it when you're ready to, and that it is okay to do just that.
Forgiveness
Forgive yourself for something in your past. Write a letter of apology that includes everything you might have done. Seal it in an envelope, and keep it somewhere private.
Day-By-Day
Live life day-by-day. Try not to worry about what will, or will not happen in the future. Or, what may, or may not have happened in your past. All things are created in the present. Remember, your future and your past are created by what you are doing right now this very moment.
Source: http://www.lovingyou.com/content/love/dating.php
Finding Your Inner Sensual Goddess
Finding Your Inner Sensual Goddessby Aly Walansky
You know how life goes… When you’re young and in love, I think that you believe that things will stay romantic and sexy forever. Then, I hear, you get married, and it all ends.
Obviously, I know not what I am talking about – I have never been married, but I recently chatted with Ginger Ema, author of Back on Top: Fearless Dating After Divorce (Globe Pequot Press, May 2009), and it’s shed a whole new light on the concept.
“I don’t think you ever believe you will stop being romantic and sensual with your husband. When I was walking down the aisle, I didn’t even consider the bad stuff. I was thinking: This is the best day of my life, this is the man of my dreams, I’m sure I can change him,” Ginger chuckles.
However, Ginger relates that long before her marriage officially ended, she and her husband were having intimacy issues. “Naturally, after my divorce, I wondered if anyone would find me desirable again!” We women worry about getting naked again; feeling vulnerable and wondering whether or not we are pretty enough, sexy enough, smart enough.
Ginger tried an unusual cure: She went to see a sensual massage therapist, who worked with her for several hours, guiding her through visualization techniques, helping to raise her level of self-awareness and optimism by using the sense of touch.
“It was an astounding experience – I laughed, I cried, and I was eternally grateful that someone did this for a living,” Ginger says, who says that for women like her, it’s an amazing tool to learn to open up again.
It’s for finding this inner sensuality (anew) that Ginger leads Fearless Dating workshops, where she talks about releasing that sensuality. “Little things like putting on sexy under things (and giving up the “granny panties”); trimming and pampering yourself a little; learning to flirt again – try it on waiters and mechanics and maybe your dentist (avoid co-workers and married men, however!).
Nothing helps you feel sexier that moving your body – Ginger says she loves salsa classes, kickboxing and pilates. “You’ll sweat! You’ll laugh! You’ll lose a few pounds! You’ll have a healthy glow and people will wonder what you’ve been up to. Let ‘em wonder!”
Source: http://www.lovingyou.com/content/love/dating.php
The Truth About Sex and the Big "O"
The Truth About Sex and the Big "O"
by Brettani Shannon
In the world of sex, one topic seems to pop up quite frequently with women. "Why can't I reach an orgasm during intercourse?" Rumor has it that there are things you should and shouldn’t do to help you get there, but with all the mixed messages it can be very confusing. We've decided to get to the bottom of the issue once and for all. We took the most commonly asked questions and provided the answers to give you the final word on getting your big "O."
Are there certain positions that make it easier for women to get there?
Positions that facilitate clitoral stimulation during intercourse are very commonly the chosen positions for women. For this reason, the woman on top is probably the most common, but also because she is in control of the movement, pace, pressure, and position. There are many positions, however, that render friction on the clitoris or makes the area available for manual stimulation.
Does the size of a man’s penis determine whether or not he can make her orgasm?
Just as every man's size is different, what brings a woman to pleasure is also different. One reader said that of all the men she'd been with, the man with the smallest penis she'd ever encountered brought her to orgasm more easily than all the rest. In fact, she said that within the first five minutes, every time, she reached orgasm. To add to the one size doesn't fit all claim, many women swear it's the girth, not the length that does it for them. The moral of the story: each woman is different, as is what makes her orgasm. Take some time and experiment with different positions and finger play to see where you need your stimulation.
Does masturbating more often increase your ability to climax with your partner?
Jan Rossey, author of "How To Have An Orgasm During Sex or Masturbation, sheds light on this topic: “Self-pleasuring to orgasm - or masturbation - will make you more and more comfortable with orgasm and more and more comfortable with sexual experiences. The more orgasms you have, the more relaxed about sex you'll become, and you'll be able to share these experiences of sexual arousal and orgasm with a partner more easily.”
Can masturbating too much be the reason you cannot orgasm with your partner?
Masturbating to a fantasy, thinking of others, pornography, etc. can absolutely interfere with your ability to perform, let alone reach orgasm during sex with your partner because of the effects of it on one’s mind, not their bodies. However, the idea that masturbating too much causes desensitization or numbness of the clitoris, which in turn would prevent woman from achieving orgasm during sex is a myth. In fact, masturbation results in quite the opposite effect. It helps women explore their bodies and discover their own "sensitive" spots. Additionally, it provides greater self-esteem and confidence about their sex life, all of which will lead to a greater ability to reach orgasm.
Is it because you can’t get to your clitoris during intercourse?
Go Ask Alice, a health question and answer Internet resource produced at Columbia University, provides some clear insight, “In reality, the clitoris is perfectly placed. The challenge is for you and your partner to find and cultivate its potential. You might consider the clitoris to be 'inaccessible' because in-and-out intercourse does not touch your button of joy. Perhaps it is because the glans (the head of a clitoris) swells during high arousal and hides under the clitoral hood. Even though the glans — made up of 6,000 to 8,000 sensory nerve endings — is "in hiding," it is still a source of incredible pleasure for many women." The best way to compensate for this is to touch or press your "love button" directly or indirectly during intercourse. You can also use external stimuli in the form of adult toys to help achieve an orgasm.
Is stimulating your clitoris the only way a woman can orgasm?
Your main sex organ is actually your brain. What you're thinking about and what mood you're in can determine significantly the type of sexual experiences you have. If you have hang ups or stress about trying to achieve an orgasm through sexual intercourse alone, chances are you're going to run into trouble. However, if you just relax and enjoy the encounter and whatever it may bring, you increase your chances for things happening the way you desire naturally. Honestly, it comes down to how comfortable you are with sex and your partner and the level of excitement you're experiencing.
If I don’t climax during sex, does it mean I don’t have a g-spot?
Everyone has a g-spot. However, not everyone likes it to be touched. To some, the sensation of direct g-spot stimulation borders on irritating! While of course to others, it is amazing. There’s no harm in trying it out, but orgasms are not dependent on enjoying your g-spot.
If you are one of the many women who don’t orgasm during sex, can you still have a good sex life?
A good sex life will always be determined by the attitude each partner has towards their sexuality and the sexual relationship they cultivate between each other. If your partner is unwilling to help you achieve an orgasm outside of actual intercourse, yes, you may have a problem. But the problem isn't your ability to have a good sex life, it's your partner. Be honest with with your partner how your body works and have fun experimenting with different techniques to increase pleasure. One of the best "side effects" of not being able to orgasm through intercourse is that you get to enjoy sex merely for the sake of the pleasure it brings you. There's no focus on the end result. That can be very rewarding, possibly even more so than actually having an orgasm.
Is it normal to count on oral sex for my orgasms?
For some women, it is the only way they orgasm. For others, oral sex is something they would rather do with out. One of the greatest things about oral sex is that there is much room for experimentation. You and your partner both have free hands to utilize to the extent of your imagination. Simultaneous stimulation can make for some pretty powerful orgasms. If you aren’t sure how to introduce new ideas into your lovemaking, you can always leave this article up on your computer screen, leave a book with sexy ideas lying on his bedside table, or simply tell him. The majority of men get really turned on when a woman mentions trying something new or directs them in the bedroom, so don’t fear their reaction.
A man should always make sure his woman is satisfied before he’s done, right?
The truth is that many women hate the pressure of reaching orgasms. Many feel that if you do, great! If you don’t always, it’s ok. In fact, women complain that their men are so obsessed with getting them there, it takes away from the pleasure. That’s how women end up faking it, and we don’t want to go there. Your man should be man enough to handle the truth about women and orgasms. What does ring true about this statement is that a man should be willing to satisfy his woman before rolling over to sleep. Nothing infuriates a woman more than her guy forgetting about her needs and desires. He should always be aware of how she is feeling and what she is hoping to get from the encounter. It may be that she wanted a bit of closeness and intimate connection, but it might be that she is in dire need of a great orgasm. To be great lovers, the two of you must know and pay attention to each other’s signals.
by Brettani Shannon
In the world of sex, one topic seems to pop up quite frequently with women. "Why can't I reach an orgasm during intercourse?" Rumor has it that there are things you should and shouldn’t do to help you get there, but with all the mixed messages it can be very confusing. We've decided to get to the bottom of the issue once and for all. We took the most commonly asked questions and provided the answers to give you the final word on getting your big "O."
Are there certain positions that make it easier for women to get there?
Positions that facilitate clitoral stimulation during intercourse are very commonly the chosen positions for women. For this reason, the woman on top is probably the most common, but also because she is in control of the movement, pace, pressure, and position. There are many positions, however, that render friction on the clitoris or makes the area available for manual stimulation.
Does the size of a man’s penis determine whether or not he can make her orgasm?
Just as every man's size is different, what brings a woman to pleasure is also different. One reader said that of all the men she'd been with, the man with the smallest penis she'd ever encountered brought her to orgasm more easily than all the rest. In fact, she said that within the first five minutes, every time, she reached orgasm. To add to the one size doesn't fit all claim, many women swear it's the girth, not the length that does it for them. The moral of the story: each woman is different, as is what makes her orgasm. Take some time and experiment with different positions and finger play to see where you need your stimulation.
Does masturbating more often increase your ability to climax with your partner?
Jan Rossey, author of "How To Have An Orgasm During Sex or Masturbation, sheds light on this topic: “Self-pleasuring to orgasm - or masturbation - will make you more and more comfortable with orgasm and more and more comfortable with sexual experiences. The more orgasms you have, the more relaxed about sex you'll become, and you'll be able to share these experiences of sexual arousal and orgasm with a partner more easily.”
Can masturbating too much be the reason you cannot orgasm with your partner?
Masturbating to a fantasy, thinking of others, pornography, etc. can absolutely interfere with your ability to perform, let alone reach orgasm during sex with your partner because of the effects of it on one’s mind, not their bodies. However, the idea that masturbating too much causes desensitization or numbness of the clitoris, which in turn would prevent woman from achieving orgasm during sex is a myth. In fact, masturbation results in quite the opposite effect. It helps women explore their bodies and discover their own "sensitive" spots. Additionally, it provides greater self-esteem and confidence about their sex life, all of which will lead to a greater ability to reach orgasm.
Is it because you can’t get to your clitoris during intercourse?
Go Ask Alice, a health question and answer Internet resource produced at Columbia University, provides some clear insight, “In reality, the clitoris is perfectly placed. The challenge is for you and your partner to find and cultivate its potential. You might consider the clitoris to be 'inaccessible' because in-and-out intercourse does not touch your button of joy. Perhaps it is because the glans (the head of a clitoris) swells during high arousal and hides under the clitoral hood. Even though the glans — made up of 6,000 to 8,000 sensory nerve endings — is "in hiding," it is still a source of incredible pleasure for many women." The best way to compensate for this is to touch or press your "love button" directly or indirectly during intercourse. You can also use external stimuli in the form of adult toys to help achieve an orgasm.
Is stimulating your clitoris the only way a woman can orgasm?
Your main sex organ is actually your brain. What you're thinking about and what mood you're in can determine significantly the type of sexual experiences you have. If you have hang ups or stress about trying to achieve an orgasm through sexual intercourse alone, chances are you're going to run into trouble. However, if you just relax and enjoy the encounter and whatever it may bring, you increase your chances for things happening the way you desire naturally. Honestly, it comes down to how comfortable you are with sex and your partner and the level of excitement you're experiencing.
If I don’t climax during sex, does it mean I don’t have a g-spot?
Everyone has a g-spot. However, not everyone likes it to be touched. To some, the sensation of direct g-spot stimulation borders on irritating! While of course to others, it is amazing. There’s no harm in trying it out, but orgasms are not dependent on enjoying your g-spot.
If you are one of the many women who don’t orgasm during sex, can you still have a good sex life?
A good sex life will always be determined by the attitude each partner has towards their sexuality and the sexual relationship they cultivate between each other. If your partner is unwilling to help you achieve an orgasm outside of actual intercourse, yes, you may have a problem. But the problem isn't your ability to have a good sex life, it's your partner. Be honest with with your partner how your body works and have fun experimenting with different techniques to increase pleasure. One of the best "side effects" of not being able to orgasm through intercourse is that you get to enjoy sex merely for the sake of the pleasure it brings you. There's no focus on the end result. That can be very rewarding, possibly even more so than actually having an orgasm.
Is it normal to count on oral sex for my orgasms?
For some women, it is the only way they orgasm. For others, oral sex is something they would rather do with out. One of the greatest things about oral sex is that there is much room for experimentation. You and your partner both have free hands to utilize to the extent of your imagination. Simultaneous stimulation can make for some pretty powerful orgasms. If you aren’t sure how to introduce new ideas into your lovemaking, you can always leave this article up on your computer screen, leave a book with sexy ideas lying on his bedside table, or simply tell him. The majority of men get really turned on when a woman mentions trying something new or directs them in the bedroom, so don’t fear their reaction.
A man should always make sure his woman is satisfied before he’s done, right?
The truth is that many women hate the pressure of reaching orgasms. Many feel that if you do, great! If you don’t always, it’s ok. In fact, women complain that their men are so obsessed with getting them there, it takes away from the pleasure. That’s how women end up faking it, and we don’t want to go there. Your man should be man enough to handle the truth about women and orgasms. What does ring true about this statement is that a man should be willing to satisfy his woman before rolling over to sleep. Nothing infuriates a woman more than her guy forgetting about her needs and desires. He should always be aware of how she is feeling and what she is hoping to get from the encounter. It may be that she wanted a bit of closeness and intimate connection, but it might be that she is in dire need of a great orgasm. To be great lovers, the two of you must know and pay attention to each other’s signals.
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